On the evening of March 19th, I logged onto Zoom for a meeting with my lovely therapist, to go over my assessment results. This would normally have been a face to face meeting, but Covid made things tricky, so Zoom it was.
After about 15 minues of going through all of my numerous test results (there were many), the diagnosis was confirmed.
“Autism Spectrum Disorder” In black and white, actually purple, because she likes purple, but I digress.
She asked me how I felt, and I almost immediately burst into tears. Not out of sadness, but relief.
Imagine going your entire life knowing that deep down there was something else there, something the doctors and the therapists weren’t seeing, only to finally find out at age 41, you’ve been Autistic all along.
It’s not that I felt there was something “wrong”, but I felt there was something more to my story, I just couldn’t understand what it was until a few years ago I started actively reading about women receiving late diagnoses and wondering if perhaps, I was one of them.
I knew it would be tricky getting an assessment where I live. I won’t go into Dr. Asperger’s Nazi ties, but, Vienna wasn’t exactly a stranger to the world of Autism. It was in fact on my official diagnosis, “mild” Autism/Asperger’s, but I refuse to label myself with his name.
Sadly, Vienna is not very equipped with resources for support. It is getting better now, as more and more people are being diagnosed, but much more needs to be done. I insisted on a native English speaker, I feared not feeling comfortable or understood. So, I waited.
I was happy when I discovered my therapist, whom I had seen five years prior, was now offering assessments. She is an American from Portland, and there was no concern with a language barrier. I contacted her and had my assessment done in less than two months.
I’ll never forget when she said to me, “I wish I could remove the word Disorder, and replace it with Different.” She reminded me of my many strengths, and that I just see the world differently, and different is beautiful.
I was born this way.
Autism is a spectrum, because no two Autistic people are alike. It ranges widely, and so I can only ever speak for me, and my expereinces. I would never say that there aren’t people or families who don’t struggle tremendously, of course they do. This is why we need support. We need awareness. We need acceptance.
I have decided to be public and vocal, because I am also now the face of Autism, and I will do what I can to advocate for people like me, and especially for the most vulnerable in society.
You can read this article on Medium.